55′ with myself

I could have taken the bus. From downtown to uptown.
I would have made 10 minutes with the bus. But tonight I decided to walk.
55 minutes walk in the cold rain.
I loved every minute of it.
Even if Romanian rain is cold and the pavment gets all dirty and muddy.

I needed this rain. It cleared my head.
I was a bit pist leaving the office today. I got screamed at for no reason. The explanation was: “You were just there and I needed to scream at someone” – said the manager [a woman] of my agency. Hm….interesting excuse.
This stupid incident didn’t upset me that much. Just a little and I will let it pass because I like this woman. I have learned a lot from her and I respect her. I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But apart from that incident, I needed the walk in the rain from my mother’s place to my house. It helped me clear my head.
I missed having quality time with myself.
You know, that moment when you shut all the noise from outside and you only hear yourself. And you think about yourself, your wishes, dreams, expectations, failure and really hear yourself.
In the last 2 years I never had a true quality time with myself…I was always doing something: moving, finishing college, changing jobs, breaking up …

I love tonight. I will get pneumonia for sure because I was wet to the skin, but it was worth it. My precious 55 minuts with myself helped me bounce back with a big dose of optimism.

At one time, as I was crossing one street I looked back and saw my own shadow and I thought …
“Never alone. I always walk along myself” – would be a great copy for something…someday.

This is how I felt tonight.
The truth is I missed having an honest conversation with myself.

Have you ever done that?
I can’t express now all the thoughts I have talked to myself. They are burried inside my soul. All I remember now is a feeling.
Just that, at the end, in front of my flat, I caught in my hair the last rain drop and didn’t feel alone. I had myself.
Loking forward to the next 55′ with myself. Maybe in another 2 years … if I am lucky.

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